By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
What drink are we having for lunch?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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