I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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