I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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