end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
