Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
