i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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