I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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