Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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