toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
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