I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
