You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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