the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
