My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
