She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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