There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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