Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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