Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
