I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Randomize
