Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
