I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
