Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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