I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
