He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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