I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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