I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
wow bdsm is so cute
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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