Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize