thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
