Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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