Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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