I can text with my tongue
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
