So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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