I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
