Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
