you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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