And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
