they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
