cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
