But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
