I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
