And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
