You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
