Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
