Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
