His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I am naked and annoyed.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
