So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
nutella sex= disaster
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
