woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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