you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
