I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
