I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
