if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He shit in the fireplace
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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