so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
