Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
