I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
