now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
