woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
