there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
