Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
