So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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