please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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