accomplished twins. life is a go
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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