Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
