omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
