Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
