He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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