We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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