His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
