Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I will be naked everywhere
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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