OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
